Atlanta Falcons
1020 3040 50 4030 2010
THE
DIRTY BIRD
D I S P A T C H
"Falcons News So Fake You'd Swear The Second Half Always Goes Well."
1020 3040 50 4030 2010
Atlanta Falcons
Breaking
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Second Half Watch Committee Reports Cautious Optimism, As Always

Analysts describe the optimism as 'renewable, seasonally.'

Draft Day Dreams Segment Renewed For Another Consecutive Year

Producers call the renewal 'a formality at this point.'

Rise Up Or Else Merchandise Reports Steady, Undefined Sales

Inventory figures were, at press time, unclear.

Team Sources Insist Falcons Are 'In On Everybody' This Offseason

The quote has now appeared verbatim in several consecutive press cycles.

Head Coach Praises Offense's 'Rhythm' After A Drive That Ended In A Punt

He confirmed the rhythm was, at minimum, present.

Rookie Stunned By Media Turnout At A Routine Walkthrough

Thirty reporters attended. Four asked about his sleep schedule.

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